I just wrapped up my first year mothering my sweet firstborn, and it’s been the best time of my life and also a real journey getting here.
On Mother’s Day:
2016 I was just starting to plan my pregnancy.
2017 I was worrying about why we weren't getting pregnant.
2018 I was mourning miscarriages and desperately wishing I could have a baby.
2019 I was seriously considering I might never have a baby.
2020 I was cloistered away from the coronavirus at home with my one week old baby.
This got me thinking about how I am as a mother and I realized how powerful the mindset of a mother or a father is. When we were struggling with fertility, I tried a lot of things to get pregnant, and one of them was to kind of attempt to channel the ‘energy’ of a mother to increase the chances of manifesting that in my life. So basically I would pretend like I already was a mother, who just didn’t have a child yet.
A side effect of that was that I started talking to myself as a mother. Before, if I was having an off day - being really spacy, procrastinating, doing silly things or not getting things done like I wanted - I would be rude to myself. I’d tell myself to ‘get my shit together,’ or think in phrases like, ‘Ugh, why am I so dumb today’, or ‘Geez, Alyssa, that was stupid’ or ‘I really suck at life.’
However when I thought of myself as a Mother, I started using phrases like “Ok Sweetie, let’s get to work now” or “I’m feeling tired today...but I’m going to push through and tonight I will go to bed early”, and I started actively applauding myself when I made good choices. The car keys are in my purse, where they belong...Good job Alyssa! I remembered to put the towels in the dryer before going to bed, Excellent! When a rude thought would arise, I would tell it to shush.
Getting into these mental habits of being, in general, kinder to myself, I realised overall helped my mood and led to better choices. I’d go to bed earlier. I’d eat my meals more regularly. I wouldn’t freak out so much over mistakes or things I couldn’t control. Being nicer to myself, even when I was frustrated, helped me to be nicer to those around me as well.
So I want to make a small suggestion...try mothering or fathering yourself. Be understanding of yourself when you make a mistake. Make an effort to care for yourself. Eat your fruits and vegetables. Play outside. Wash your hands and face. Brush your teeth. Go to bed on time. And appreciate your efforts.
This year, 2021, as a mother of a one year old, finally feels a little more like a 'coming out'! My mom and I got our vaccines last month and went to the spa for pedicures. As a family we’re starting to venture out more to see friends and family we haven’t seen in a long while. My son is getting baptised next month, and we’ve hung a swing in the yard for him and are building a sandbox. I hope you’ve had a fantastic Mother’s Day, and will think about thinking like a mother or father. :)